Three (deep) reasons why you don't achieve your goals
In this post, I want to dive into why we struggle to achieve our goals, time and time again…and you might be surprised to realise it doesn’t have much to do with how motivated or capable you are.
The first reason is this: You have stronger, subconscious goals working in the background.
We all have subconscious goals ticking over in our minds. If they’re aligned with our conscious goals, life is great. We’ll achieve what we set out to do and it will be easy. However, if there’s a conflict between our subconscious goals and our conscious ones, our conscious goals don’t stand a chance.
Here’s an example: if you have a conscious goal of being a leader in your field but have a strong subconscious desire (goal) to be liked, you’re going to have conflict. Being a leader in your field means carving a path, standing out and speaking up. A desire to be liked means fitting in a little more, working to other people's expectations and toning down standout traits in favour of being liked. That subconscious goal is always going to trump the conscious goal - and you won’t even realise it’s happening!
In 2004, an interesting study on non-conscious goals was carried out by the University of New York. It found that conscious goals that are ‘norm violating’, meaning they go against the grain of what is expected from you (for whatever reason; being young, old, a man, a woman, poor, wealthy, etc.), are likely to have unconscious goals working against them, trying to keep us within the norm.
So, if you are a young woman from a poor area with a big goal of owning a million dollar business, it’s likely that you have subconscious goals working in the background to keep status quo or the expectation of what it means to be a young woman from a poor area.
Of course, it’s not to say you can’t achieve your goals, but it does mean that if your goals go against the grain of what is expected from you, you’ll need to dive into those subconscious beliefs and goals and get them aligned with what it is you want to achieve.
The second reason you may struggle to achieve your goals is that your goals aren’t aligned with your beliefs.
Similar to non-conscious goals, if your goals conflict with your beliefs, you will struggle to achieve them. Again, because your core beliefs are embedded at a subconscious level they are stronger than your conscious goals.
So, if you have a belief that ‘money isn’t important’ but you have a million dollar business goal, there is a clear conflict. Or if you have a belief that ‘I’m not a sporty person’ but set a New Year's resolution about going to the gym…how long do you think you’ll stick it out?!
To ensure you’re going to achieve a goal you set, you need to explore what beliefs you have relating to that goal first - especially if that goal requires a big change in behaviour. There’s a reason you’re not already doing it, and it’s based on your beliefs.
And the third reason you will struggle is if your actions and habits aren’t aligned with your goals.
Aligning your habits and actions with your goals simply means that you are actively working toward your goals every single day. You don’t have to devote your every waking moment, but goals are achieved by doing a little every day. That sounds obvious, but a lot of people have goals that are in direct conflict with their actions.
Financial goals are a common one. So many people have financial based goals, like saving up to travel, for a business or a house, but their daily actions and habits take them away from those goals.
The secret is, if you realise your habits are in conflict with your goals - don’t try to change your habits yet!
Start with your subconscious goals and beliefs first. Why? Because the habits you have are likely to be a manifestation of a subconscious goal or belief. Start exploring there. Once you have those aligned, you can address your habits.